Dorothea #1 Review by Gavin J. Grant for Leeking Inc

These short-short stories were written
in the months following Mike’s mother’s
death—so we’re not talking sweetness
and light for the most part. Mike has a
great line in his introduction, “I have always
been a liar.” Which is a line so good
and basic to the writing of fiction that he
repeats it as the very last (handwritten)
line of his afterword.

Fake Life #3 Review by Matt Fagan for Leeking Inc.

This is a straight-up punk zine, and its primary
purpose in life is to love the Florida
punk scene, and teach you to love it too.
So, FAKE LIFE mostly consists of band interviews
and show reviews.

It bears mentioning that I actually read all
the interviews and reviews, because they
were written in an interesting way. So often
I find my mind wandering when I read
stuff like that, but FAKE LIFE isn’t bullshit,
it’s punk – by punks, for punks. Also, rants
and shit. If you’re planning a trip to Florida,
order up a copy before you head down
there.
NARCOLEPSY

Against The Flood - a review

I write small pieces so it isn't that.

These all seem like small incomplete pieces. That isn't to say she isn't a good writer. She's a fine writer. It just seems like each section is a shard of a piece, a "piece" of something. It sems like notes for a zine, the concept of a zine.

She writes about bulimia and anrexia. She tries to be happy. She makes a list. She wants to undertand who she is, how she's differnet while somehow want to fit in. I think she's a lesbian. Pretty standard fare.

Again: she is a fine writer. Very easy on the eyes...

Also she handwrites in places and while she has a pretty 13 year old girl handwriting, its awful to read. Also address, just an e-mail: dumpster.mouse@gmail.com and no price.

Here's what I would do:

I would send her 2 bucks and get this. It's short but like I said, she has a clean earnest writing style and there isn't much filler. Now you're on her mailing list. Once she cleans up her style, tightens the screws, she'll be a writer to read. Also she reviews funtionally ill #3 which is one of the best zines out there.

Fake Life #3

Proudly raw and sloppy, this punk perzine combines scenereports, show reviews, and band interviews with personal essays,ranting, and fiction. There’s nothing particularly earth shatteringabout FL—even the interview with Henry Rollins is embarrassingly facileand uncritical—but the enthusiasm with which Mike approaches hisself-appointed task of documenting the Tallahassee scene is infectious.Mike, 5666 Split Oak Ln., Tallahassee FL 32303.

Hobson's Choice Review of Dorothea #2

My oh my. I haven’t been this hooked into a zine for a long time. Each story in this issue is bite-size but, like candy, you end up eating the whole package at once. What really grabbed my attention is how clearly the voice comes through; the style is beautiful. While most of the stories are on the dirty side with a large focus on sex and murder, there are a few pieces that transcend it. ‘The Creep’ is an unrealized character study, and it’s backed up by stories about a painter named Ludwig. Now for the bad: Mike’s grammar is pretty atrocious. Do not let this fool you into thinking that he cannot write, however; there is something very powerful in the way he conveys his stories. I put issue 2 down and felt the rush of inspiration again. If there is truly anything that can be considered ‘American Writing’ today, it’s coming from the mind of Mike Baker.
Check out Hobson's Choice.

To RJ and Our Troops

Hey man,

I got the impression the last time I saw you that there was maybe something you wanted to say to me, something about my anti troop rants that I know, from our conversation, you disagreed strongly with.

I say that but I think it had more to do with my growing uncertainity about my over inflated sense of rightousness. What I mean is that I was wrong, have been wrong for sometime. I feel pretty bad about that being that I was loud mouthed about it and there isn't much to do there except admit it and move on.

I don't know what to think about fighting war I believe is wrong but I can not even imagine the struggle our troops go through every day, the risks they take or the real consequences they face.

I find myself simply hoping they come home as well as possible, that their families are not alone and that they be treated with the respect and dignity warriors deserve.

I hate to think that this was unresolved between you and me. I've stayed away from the Shed for that reason. I apologize for being an ignorant loud mouth.

-Mike

Dream Girl... aaaaaahhhhhh

I just got done editing my freakin profile. Just to put something out there that looks better than, well, nothing. So after a while of playing with the stuff in it, I started cliking on some of what looked like links in the view of the edited profile. Dang cool. It showed me other users that had the same keyword in the same segment of their profile. So while clicking along and just sorta browsing I come across this 33 year old woman's profile. Awesome.. Instantaneous internet love. She's got this really cool sense of humor, lives in my town, so many of the same interests. Oh so totally facinating to look over her many many vacation pictures of greek antiquities and read through her blogs. Just one problem.. no freakin way to contact her that I could find. CRAP! Just as my mind was fantasizing over the gagillion cups of coffee we'd share in some cheezy coffee house, the improvised open mic poetry we'd kid each other with, looking at and making fun of the art at railroad square, the really dreamy philosophy conversation that would last for hours, the making out in the parking lot followed by the hours of foreplay and passionate sex with no strings attached.. (breathe). Oh well. I may never meet you in person, you party girl, you. But at least this moment passed pleasurably.

Seriously though, you really do seem really cool beyond this cold flat screen. I hope for the chance at a good coffee and the whole art thing. Bon Chance!

NeuFutur Review of Fake Life #6

This issue of Fakelife is about the trials and tribulations that individuals have to deal with around the period of Valentine’s Day. The first story in this issue is “Young Love”, a story that is written in a very idiosyncratic style. What I take from the story may not be what the author wishes individuals to take; I feel that the piece is about the youth (a younger version of the author)( hedging eir bets and trying to woo two individuals at the same time. The second piece details a letter that an individual wrote to a father figure about porn, and how DVD and pornographic movie theatres far outstrip VHS versions of the movies. “Self Love” s the next prose piece, and among the very detailed and intricate paragraphs that are present, the sense of lost love comes through, a story that everyone is familiar with but few can capture as well as it was here. The articles have a number of variations in regard to overall tone and style, but they are combined to show exactly how harmful and negative a holiday Valentine’s Day is. The piece that hits me the hardest of all of those in this issue is the discussion of the care that an individual has for a lover – going so far as to spend the last dollars ey has on bananas and milk to ensure the oncoming hunger doesn’t become too big of an issue – and the reject of that care, being that the individual wants a hamburger. Stark, hard-hitting, and a new take on Valentine’s day.
Rating: 7.2/10

Razorcake Review of Fake Life #3

This was okay. Homespun punk zine out of Tallahassee. There are some good bits, such as the Paris Hilton Create-a-Con paper doll set. Actually, that was pretty damn cool. Some simplistic comics designed more for effect than artistic quality; I’m kinda tired by that shtick. Left-wing rantings are always acceptable in my book, but it’s too easy for them to get clichéd and trite. That happens at times here, but there is a noticeable attempt at even-handedness (sound of cap being doffed). Interview with Rollins—haven’t seen one of those in years; kinda nice. Too much dead space throughout, though. This could be a wonderful little zine with a bit of desktop publishing, but as minimalist as possible. –The Lord Kveldulfr

Broken Pencil Review of Fake Life #3

Tallahassee punk rag Fake Life is a rather take-it-or-leave-it production. Here is a representative excerpt from an acid- dropping anecdote by principal writer Rabbit: “I am a magnet for bad trips and or drunken weekends. If I show up, please ask me to leave. It will be better for all of us and you won’t have to see a grown man shit himself.” Something of a time capsule, the zine has a very distinct worldview, a sort of pre-millennial obliviousness that is hardly dispelled by an Iraq-Vietnam comparison. Fake Life is as mid-90s as Mad About You, and nearly as white. Show reviews, which provide the bulk of the content, frequently devolve into anti-reviews because the writers seem too burnt- out to adequately describe or even remember the bands. The closest thing to an actual description of music is disappointingly prefaced by “I hope this doesn’t sound too gay”. Female performers are rarely referred to as anything but “bitches” or “sluts,” which is more than a little tedious. The Q-&-A with Henry Rollins is fairly coherent (if not particularly probing), but the stream-of-consciousness band interviews occasionally read like transcribed benders. The zine’s purpose, according to Mike Baker, is “to get people listening to Tallahassee punk, Florida punk, going to shows and helping these bands make a living,” but--despite its undeniable energy--Fake Life is too haphazard to persuade the uninitiated. (Daniel Marrone)

A Review of Natural Gas Joe

A review of Natural Gas Joe!
By Rob

Natural Gas Joe is a character that’s used to teach folks how to recognize the smell of Mercaptan or Ethanethiol. To be more accurate it goes by several names and I think the Ethanethiol is in error, see here (props to the Wikipedia article on Mercaptan):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methanethiol


It’s kinda cute. On the surface the reader would likely think that this is a fart zine. It’s not. It is a neat way to present this information to kids and adults alike.

Natual Gas Joe

Unfortunately the scratch and sniff portion didn’t smell like anything at all so the purpose was more or less defeated. This is not to say that this zine shouldn’t be picked up. It’s a short, easy read. I like the motivation behind the zine so I'm putting it down in a way to support it. To help the cause you can go google Mercaptain and you'll find gas companies that will send you the scratch and sniff flyer. Something to pass along, no pun intended.

Stupid Things I've Done

So here's my idea for a new project. A quarter zine filed with one page stories about personal stupidity. Stuf like this one story Mike told me:

When I was in college I decided to try and be a smart-ass one day. I started talking about how the guy who created MTV did so because he realized that teenagers had short ... ... ...

And then the teacher jumps in with "attention spans"?

Now, I could probably do an encyclopedia with just myself alone. Or better yet Mike. But I figured I'd open it up to whoever wanted to submit. So here are the rules. It's got to fit on a quarter sheet page, so no more than one or two paragraphs. If you've got an image to go with it then send it. But Adi, Rob, and the Midget are going to illustrate. (They don't really know this yet.) I'm not including anything that would force the zine into the skin box so keep it at least pg-13.

There's not a specific due date for this...yet. It'll depend on the submissions. But get started now.

Post what you've got here or you can send it to us.

So like get writing.

--CJ

Jesus Crispies

Here's the deal. If you are in any way sensitive to unapologetic negative opinions about religion and specifically Christianity, this isn't the zine for you.

Jesus Crispies is written by Ali. He calls on agnostics to jump off the fence, questions our national respect for the first amendment, and thinks church would be more fun if Jesus had laser vision. It's honest and it's funny. And unlike many who write on this subject, it's not full of anti-Christian bigotry (we wouldn't be carying it if it was).

My only issue is that I don't believe Ali when he says he's an athiest. It's more like he's pissed off at Christians and Christianity and the way he expresses his anger is by claiming God doesn't exist. But none of that makes any difference about the truth of the fact that being non-religious in a country where religion dominates is hard.

So seriously hit us up or come by the table sometime and pick up a copy of Jesus Crispies.

Zine Review: Blackstitch Art Studio

If you are a young teen or you fancy unicorns, flowers, and love spells, this little pink booklet is for you. Armed with girl power, Annette Padilla has authored a zine filled with easy crafts, recipes, riddles, and art. An easy read, with nothing objectionable (sorry, pervs). Review by DeDe

The History of PXS Zine DIstro

I want to tell you a story. It's how we changed are name and why.

I love bands and when I would interview them I would have to explain that yes, we were a paper zine, not an e-zine and I did it so many times I created a short hand for it where I would say, zine (paper-xerox-staples) which I thought described the process.

Now amoung zine writers that's a duh! but most people, even people who grew up writing zines, it was a big surprise that people still took the time to make zines the old fashioned way: we cut and paste paper, xeroxed it (common parlance for copy) and then stapled each issue together.

People say xerox to mean copy the way they Kleenex to mean tissue. And so, when we picked a name, calling ourselves paper-xerox-staples made sense. It said what we did and who we were. We even made a banner. It was perfect. Perfect lasted about seven months and then I got this:

From: Seana.Watts@xerox.com
To: PAPER-XEROX-STAPLES.COM@domainsbyproxy.com
CC: gomek@comcast.net
Subject: Action Letter
Date: Wednesday,
January 30, :15:49 PM

Your site at www.paper-xerox-staples.com has been reported to us as a potentially infringing site as it contains the "XEROX" trademark. Please be advised that the "XEROX" trademark is intellectual property owned exclusively by Xerox Corporation and may not be used without written permission. Only Xerox Corporation is allowed to own domain names comprised of and/or containing its valuable trademarks. We are currently investigating your ownership and will contact you further if this website remains owned by Domains By Proxy Inc. and the operators of this site within the next 60 days.

By this e-mail note also be informed that Xerox Corporation does not waive any rights or remedies that it may have against you in the event that your actions exceed those discussed herein.

Seana L. Watts
Trademark & Copyright Counsel
Xerox Corporation
45 Glover Avenue
Norwalk, CT 06856
Telephone:
Fax:
*admitted in NY only

Now I had no idea Xerox Corp has such a lock down on the word Xerox but if you look it up, it says the copywritten process xerox not the common parlance for copy. They own it.I had no idea that when you say go xerox your ass for me so I can dream about it while you're gone, I was actaully advertising for the Xerox Corp. And in there I thought I was just a big perv. It turns out I'm a theif too.


They own the motherfucking word. They own the sound of the word. A word, one word, five letters. And they own it any where you stick it. In this case, they object to seeing it in our URL, mixed in with other words. It is illegal to use Xerox mixed in with other words in a URL. Pardon my repetition but this is stunning, for instance, if you named your website and this is just a mde up idea name not a real one Seanna: www.fuckingxeroxshitballswhatwhatabunchofgreedyasscrabs.com, you would need to remove the word Xerox. They own it even though you are clearly not try to sell anything on the backs of the Xerox Corp, you're saying the Xerox corp are greedy fucks. They own it. You couldn't have a web page called www.xeroxcansuckmysweatyballs.com. You guessed it. They own the word Xerox, forget that you want them to toss your salad. They only want their name back.

So we relented being that our legal budget consists of Rob doing his best Cliff Clavin inpersonation, we are changing our name to pxs distro which curiously you only need remember was once called paper-xerox-staples distro but isn't any more. No more using the word Xerox. No more Xeorox, xerox, xerox xerox. No more Xeorx. One more thing it doesn't mean paper-xerox-staples. pxs is just pxs much in the same fashion that "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" doesn't stand for anything. Just ask John.

Please change any links to us. Please come to shows where we're selling zines. We love you. It's just a name change. We're the same goofy ass bastards we were before. And... www.fuckyouxerox.com
Love, Mike and the Creeps at Fake Life

Whew, connected again!

Ahhhh, it's like a breath of fresh air to be connected after so long. How little I realized just how much I depended on connectability and that gihugic research and information retrieval tool we call the internet. Doesn't everyone use it for that?

Simple things like recipies. Even if I had made a dish a dozen times or so I would still run to google "jambalaya", peruse a dozen recipies and instantly my memory was recharged over that certain special ingredient that I kept forgetting each time I'd make it. Even if the ingredient was something different each time. Go figure.

Or the long lonely nights spent over black coffee and a pack and a half of cigarrettes, reading Kerouac while listening to some beat thing in the background. My own personal cafe. Of course I never thought to actually pick up a book while I was disconnected! Just drank a butt-load of coffee. Hard to sip it without making a mess that way.

But now, I'm connected! Hey, Bonnie, I wasn't mad at you! The reason I wasn't talking to you is that I was disconnected! Hey, Capital One, it's not that I was purposely not paying you on time, it's that I was disconnected! Hey, you there you beautiful National Geographic, Human Migration Project Website, it's not that your endless tales of genetic tailspins and flights across the globe got boring, hell no. I couldn't visit you because, well you know!

Now of course I have no excuse for continuing my random education or contributing to this blog. Thank you internet. Thank you.

dream whip no. 11

dream whip no. 11 is one of the best zines I’ve read so far. It details the writer’s cross country trip from Texas to California then back across to New York with wonderful bite-sized stories, most of which are devoted to New York. Each snippet of the journey is filled with musings and little-known facts, well-painted descriptions and injected possibilities. In one piece he describes the evolution of subway car graffiti and how the writers still maneuver around the transit authority’s attempts to “clean” up their cars. Another contemplates an elevator and afterlife. The operator shuttles passengers up and below “like some MTA Charon.” With wit and, what I see as, self-honesty and understanding, dream whip beautifully delivers concise ADHD-suited morsels worth every penny of the 3 dollars it costs.

--adi

Zine Review: The Strange Voyage of the Leona Joyce

44 pages, mostly text, with 8 photos and 4 drawings.

This compelling zine relays a true-story tale about some friends and a dog that commit to navigate the Mississippi River together for a few months. The narrator and his chums take their ride on a tiny handmade vessel built with found objects scavenged from dumpsters and junkyards. The crew boldly takes their place on the big muddy river amid the chaos of modern commercial barges and luxury cruise ships. Within the story are some feel-good moments and some not-so-fun adventures. Emergencies creep in. For this reader, sitting upon her cushy chair in a climate-controlled room, the narrative is rich. Words reveal that the river is not entirely romantic and tame. After a breakdown on the river, the zine’s author writes a little gem in his log book, “I put the engine together last night by lantern and maglight held in my teeth. It is much nicer to hold a maglight in your mouth if you wrap some duct tape around the end so your teeth have something better to bite on than metal… As long as it keeps running, I’m happy.” So REAL with detail, isn’t it? I recommend this zine to all of those DIY types who crave adventure.
-DeDe

We carry this zine so email us. -Mike